I CAN'T WAIT FIVE YEARS.

Met with Dr. X from the University of Utah Orthopedic Center on Monday to get his perspective on my physical condition. Dr. X seems very conservative in his approach and does not perform many surgeries. I started the visit with new sets of X-rays, and since I sent him the CD of my most recent MRIs, I have to assume he reviewed those as well.

Dr. X was very much on the fence with his recommendations: he suggested I get a discogram, a procedure where the discs are injected with dye to better identify the ones that cause the pain. Unfortunately, discograms carry inherent risks, including the fact that the injection of the dye can cause an already weak disc to rupture, creating additional damage or a new herniation. Also, the dye can leak into damaged disks and make identifying damaged discs difficult if not impossible. And lastly, it is an extremely painful procedure for the patient that ultimately culminates in a somewhat unreliable outcome.

Dr. X spent a good deal of time talking about the risks of surgery and the fact that many surgeries do not relieve the pain as well as patients hope or are led to believe by their doctors. He talked about artificial disc replacement, and that this surgery is effective only in cases where one disc is creating pain (since I have four herniated discs, this type of surgery would be useless). In addition, there have been no long term studies into how much wear and tear artificial discs can take in a human body, and once an artificial disc is inserted, it can be life-threatening to replace it because of the arterial vein scarring that occurs in the original surgery. Hmmmm.

Upon discussing a spine fusion, Dr. X informed me that the outcomes are extremely unpredictable, with many patients getting 50 - 75% relief from pain. He also reviewed what I already know - that the surgery is very invasive and carries with it a long recovery.

By the time the consult was over, I wasn't sure if I had learned much more than I had already learned before the visit. However, something Dr. X said really resonated with me. He said that I could always wait five years to see what kinds of new technologies and therapies are available to help me. The more I thought about this, the clearer my options were: I am a 33-year-old woman who can barely dress herself, let along participate in other activities (skiing, hiking, walking my dogs, playing with my niece and nephew) I used to love doing. I do not have five years to spend like this.

And that's when I decided that I would go ahead with the surgery. I do not expect a perfect outcome, and I do not expect to be 100% pain-free. What I do hope for is to feel 50- 75% better than I do now, using 50 - 75% less medication than I take now. I want a piece of my old life back, and I am willing to face these odds to get it.