It was bound to happen - the moment when I eventually twisted or turned or bent the wrong way. But still, I am worried.
After enduring a spinal fusion and the months of recovery that follow, the potential for re-injury or the pain to return has always been on my mind. I often feel like I am on borrowed time, and that quite suddenly, this relatively pain-free state in which I live can change in a moment.
If you have read the latest BBW post, you know that Bolted Bionic Labrador had surgery to remove a malignant tumor from her leg. Keeping her calm and relatively immobile has been a challenge, as she is just internally wired to be enthusiastic and excited, if not a little bit out of her walnut-sized mind. Unfortunately I left the house for 45 minutes, and in that fraction of an hour she ruptured some of her stitches and was bleeding from the incision.
My first reaction in this case was to call Dr. Dad, a.k.a my father-slash-physician, to come over and survey the damage. I also debate calling Nurse Mom, but make an effort to balance my medical emergencies between the two of them (I tell myself it is so neither is overly burdened by my issues, but in the back of my mind I think it is so that neither gets a full picture of how clutsy and prone to injury this family is).
Back to Dr. Dad: his conclusion was that the bleeding would stop with pressure on the wound, but being as he does not specialize in treating animals, he recommended I call The Specialist tomorrow to determine whether or not the sutures need to be replaced. After a stressful evening of visible open wounds, I called The Specialist the next morning and was told to bring in her for an evaluation. To make a long story short, she stayed overnight to have another surgery to put her leg back together with even stronger sutures.
But to back up a bit, while waiting for Dr. Dad to get to the house after calling him frantically, I tried to get Greta turned on her side on the kitchen tile so I could get a good look at what had happened (have I mentioned she is 84 pounds?). And that is when it happened: I felt a tug and then a burst of pain in my lower back area. By the time Dr. Dad arrived at the house, I was laying on the kitchen tile with Greta, unable to straighten my body without great difficulty and strain. I was afraid of this happening, had worked so diligently to prevent it, and began constructing a daisy chain of what ifs.
I may have dodged the bullet this time. My back is fairly sore, but it is not throbbing with the stabbing ache that used to inhabit my lumbar area. If I am lucky, all the core work I have been doing for the last several months paid off; that when my body sensed a wrong turn or twist coming, the core muscles tightened their corset strings to brace for impact. If I am lucky, what I feel is muscle strain and that the pain will subside as the muscles heal. If I am lucky, I will not have to visit Bolted Bionic Surgeon to ensure that there is no damage to the hardware planted in my lower spine.
I will give my body a few days to right itself. As patient as it has been with me, it is only fair that I offer up a little patience with it.
July 4, 2009
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How long has it been now since your surgery? Do you consider the surgery successful? There are so few success stories about spinal fusion that I'm beginning to think that it isn't an option for me. Or maybe those with success stores just don't make them know online. If I need to take pain meds now and I will continue to need pain meds afterwards, where are the benefits? Anyway, I so appreciate this diary of yours, and the positive and light-hearted way you've approached it. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteBeth,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your kind words and for reading. I have found that a light-hearted approach is the only way to approach anything to do with a spinal fusion - it is really quite a serious surgery and the recovery period is very long - you have to have a sense of humor.
It has been eight months, two weeks and three days since my surgery. I believe it was very successful (I am speaking from my own personal perspective and not that of a medical professional). In "I Can't Wait Five Years," I wrote about what my goal was for the surgery: to feel "50-75% better on 50-75% less medication." I did not expect pain-free perfection because that is not what any back surgery will provide. The important thing is that I do feel better, much better, and I take MUCH less medication in order to feel this way.
You ask what the benefit is to surgery if you still have to take medication afterwards anyway. My personal view is that being able to take less medication IS the benefit. When I reflect on how much and how many different kinds of medications I was pumping into my bloodstream in those really bad days before the surgery, it makes me sad. Not only was I putting alot of strain on my body to process all those pills, but I think of how much Life I missed while being in a hazy, foggy state. And worse, I am thankful still that I did not harm myself or anyone else while being on those medications. At that time I was putting my affairs in order (a Will, a Living Will, those sort of documents) and wrote a letter to my sister to open and read upon my death. I have a sentence in this letter that, in a joking way, places a bet on how I died, and I write that I would put all my chips on a bad pill combination. I apologize for what a downer of a paragraph this is, but these medications can be dangerous. And for people with back pain, the temptation to increase your dosages in small increments is there. Being able to take less medication is a good thing.
I agree with you that the stories out there lean more towards the opinion that the surgery is not worth the outcome. I have wondered quite a few times if this is because people don't talk about the success stories as much. Perhaps after surgery they continue on with life and don't look back. But if you are the person who is still in pain after surgery, miserable and possibly even more incapacitated, you are desperately looking for answers and reasons, so perhaps that story is the one that circulates. Through BBW I have met people who wrote that they had very good outcomes so I know they are out there.
So to make this long story short, I really recommend going through the "test drive" I wrote about in one of my posts where the surgeon injects anesthetic into the discs to mimic the effect of the fusion. If you do not feel relief, than your doctor has not identified the problem yet. And you have to be your own best advocate. If you aren't comfortable with any doctor's recommendation, keep searching.
I wish you the best of luck and hope that your pain is manageable. Thank you again for reading and the compliment. It means more than you know.